What If CrossFitters Took Yoga Classes

by Adam Smith
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Full Disclosure: I’ve done Crossfit once. I entered with the expectation to turn my flabby bitch tits into sculpted marble and left with a CrossFit tattoo and an overinflated ego. They also made me change my name to Chad. Now that I think about it, that was kind of fucked up…should probably change that back. But I did burn 400 calories after my first (and last) session. And that was just running around telling people that I do CrossFit. I don’t know how much I burned during the actual workout, but that doesn’t really matter.

I shouldn’t give Crossfitters such a hard time. This is typical Matt Chad: I hate on everything that I’m too lazy, weak, stupid to do myself. It’s a defense mechanism. I think Harry Potter’s a pussy because I’m too lazy to read his books. I hate on One Direction even though I’d sell my vital organs to trade lives for an hour. I think sex is lame because I’ve never had it. And I bash CrossFit because, well, it’s fucking easy. So excuse me while I keep living my small, safe life and hate on everyone who is trying to make themselves better.

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